Zil - Cynic (feat. Maria Shockey) Lyrics

Yo my last girl said this
And my first girl said that
The other I called quits
Even though we go way back
Ya got me confused
They leaving clues like they Sajak
But who takes the blame?
You know that I cannot place that
I look at myself, and say that I'm moving on
But here I am with a pen,
I'm guilty writing this song
Yo for real Ima tap out
Can never go back now
Real feelings involved
But trauma want me to act out
For real
Look in the mirror
See all my walls up
Then I turn to my phone
And see just who I can call up
We can text all night
Long as I got your attention
But please just don't get attached
And leave me outta ya mentions
Just don't talk bout commitment
The last time it ain't work out
Yea I know that your different
But what if it's the same turn out?
Got a gauge on my heart
And right now I feeling burnt out
Yea maybe I'll fix it
But tonight Ima tap out
Is it bad for my health?
To never let no one close
Make a mess out of myself
Say I'm better at being alone
But if I could sit with it
I'd fix it
Find the part of me that isn't so cynical
And I'd leave my comfort zone
And I'd put your heart before my own
It's getting harder to wake
And look myself in the eye
Starting to accept that maybe I'm just gon be "that guy"
Living this lie
Pretending that this is how I want it
I'll just break a few hearts
Then turn round my boys and flaunt it
But I don't need you on me,
I'll just suppress the feeling
Maybe I'll hide in the party
Then I'll do some social drinking
But that don't fix the pain
Yea I know what you're thinking
"What about your Sunday?"
To that I would just say
"What's your meaning?"
Yea I know my time is fleeting
What's it matter anyways?
A hollow shell of my potential
While I try to numb the pain
People tell me bout tomorrow
But I'm stuck on yesterday
Cause why would you accept me
For me
I wouldn't do the same
Maybe I'm the one to blame
I guess that's typical
I'd admit that I'm afraid
But that's too difficult
I wish it didn't hurt you too
But that's so cyclical
Going through the motions
Wondering how I got so cynical
They say
Guard your heart
And your mind
And your trust
And your time
I'm protective over what's mine
And trying to be what you need
Feels like abandoning me
(Oh)
Generational habits
I feel psychotic
Tryna break the patterns
It's ironic
Fighting for a love that isn't toxic
But I'll still have a panic attack
About just how badly I want it
(Yea)
Is it bad for my health?
To never let no one close
Make a mess out of myself
Say I'm better at being alone
But if I could sit with it
I'd fix it
Find the part of me that isn't so cynical
And I'd leave my comfort zone
And I'd put your heart before my own
Put your heart before my own