These are not good goals. I don't want to feel safe, I'll never learn that way. The kind of chaos I wish to convey; in fine illuminations - and a resting pace. This is intensely flawed and bleeds its feelings through these seats. Deliberate in each movement and pause, navigating weakness; with a dystopian loss. Tiny lies; with a soft love - I'd rather be alone. Then I'd be happy; then I'd be enough. I am terror, I am absence, I am here for her. I cannot fix this.I want to feel again. My body's failing.I need help.