It's never as bad as you think; but it's always the worst it's been. How many times must I fade away? Longing for a free flowing, natural understanding, and it feels less and less likely as the time passes. On paper things are fine. They're fine. I'm fine.Where have you been, my narcissistic dream? If I stay awake - well, just long enough - if I stay awake and I care, sometimes things will just sort of end.Endless scribbles, and drafts on drafts on drafts. When I need to care, it's just not there. When people need to settle; I just cannot settle. Funneling toward the worst of our nature - it'll take your everything.