Cool Parents - I Was a Teenage Dracula Lyrics

I was a teenage Dracula
With a taste for emo blood
I got an undead evil eye
I'm gonna make you one of my brides
A living dead teen seductress
A ghostly white comely countess
The Transylvanian of my nightmare
Would you please join me in my lair?
She's an old school hag
Drinkin' blood from the bag
I'm a teenage vamp
Ramp-shredding skate camp
She's an old school hag
Drinkin' blood from the bag
I'm a teenage vamp
Ramp-shredding skate camp
Van Helsing can't do shit to me
Despite the fact I'm a centuries old teen
With a pretty bad garlic allergy
The only stake I see is my cold, dead peep
Deep inside the tomb of my castle
I'll get my nut in the womb or the asshole
Of one of three beautiful zombies
But compared to you, they mean nothing to me
I ate the heart of a whore
It was quite the bore
What I really need
Is a succubus teen
I ate the heart of a whore
It was quite the bore
What I really need
Is a succubus teen
I spent a lifetime sucking blood
Like a big, bad, spooky bug
Then I saw an inviting frown
In a see-through white death gown
After years of draining schmucks
I think it's time that I got sucked
I was a teenage Dracula
God damn the sun
God damn the sun