Here I lie, enveloped by darkness
My fear soothed by her unconsciousness
What I'm about to do, I know I will regret
But I don't know how to deny myself yet
So I clutch my phone
And turn to private mode
My soul weighed down
By this secret untold
I try not to panic
My heart
Scared and frantic
But here I go
My eyes are hypnotized by the obscene
My ears are entranced by moaning and screams
I know they're not as happy as they seem
But their game of pretending brings pleasure to me
The high comes, and I'm in ecstasy
But as it descends, I feel the grief
My eyes are open with new clarity
So sickening that my heart starts to sink
How depraved could I be?
I thought this vile video would fill the void
But it's only left me even more paranoid
I'm filled with guilt and sorrowful with shame
But through it all, I will forget this pain
I know that this habit
Wreaks havoc on me
But those seconds of bliss
Make it all worthy
I'm stuck in a cycle
In a downward spiral
Where is peace?
My eyes are hypnotized by the obscene
My ears are entranced by moaning and screams
I know they're not as happy as they seem
But their game of pretending brings pleasure to me
The high comes and I'm in ecstasy
But as it descends, I feel the grief
My eyes are open with new clarity
So sickening that my heart starts to sink
How depraved could I
Of that jubilant girl, I'm a hollow shell
Who spent her very life building a private hell
Right now, I wish I could be anyone else
God, please don't punish me
I already hate myself
Help
Help
Help
Oh Lord please I'm begging I need help
Every time I try to leave
They attack me in my dreams
My eyes are hypnotized by the obscene
My ears are entranced by moaning and screams
I know they're not as happy as they seem
But their game of pretending brings pleasure to me
The high comes and I'm in ecstasy
But as it descends, I feel the grief
My eyes are open with new clarity
So sickening that my heart starts to sink
How depraved could I
My eyes are hypnotized by the obscene
My ears are entranced by moaning and screams
I know they're not as happy as they seem
But their game of pretending brings pleasure to me
The high comes and I'm in ecstasy
But as it descends, I feel the grief
My eyes are open with new clarity
So sickening that my heart starts to sink
How depraved could I be?
